by


A LETTER TO MR. ANONYMOUS 
(Piece)

Dear Mr. Anonymous,

They said that once you love a person, the feeling would never leave. Maybe, that’s my case. If you think I’m confessing, maybe I do, but for me, it is a way of filling my empty heart; my way to be able to love again.

I did have crushes during grade school, but the feeling was different. Not to mention most of them were acquaintances, and became my close friends. They became my source of inspiration, my driver to do my best. Of course, my family is part of them. They always see the best in me, expect a lot from me, and always show those kind words. They cheer me up, establish connection and make close. That’s who they are, and the persons that I love.

However, you’re case was different. When I realized I have a deep romantic feeling for you, my heart shook up. It beat fast that every time I saw you I can hardly breathe or concentrate. I can’t even look in your eyes. My drive and passion to do well in school left me. Those were the times I prayed I should’ve not got too close to you, and strongly believe that you’re just a friend who only passed by.

I even wished that I don’t want to see you again, hoping that I will eventually get over from your flirtatious words and smiles, making me, for the first time, barely sleep. You tormented me and let me suffer from stress. How could you be so mean and cold? You knew that I suddenly became indifferent, but you never confronted me even once.

Months have already passed. I assumed I already get over you.  I saw those messages of yours, telling your feelings for only few words. You might not know but I have read some of it. You might even think that I never cared. But you are wrong.

I want you to know that I could still remember the tightness of your embrace the very last time we met.  It was the first time someone hugged me so tightly. I blushed; I admit that I can’t forget it until now.

Please take note that the next words I’m going to write are what I meant most.  What I really felt for you. And who you really are to me.

Yes, you are different. Because you’re the first man who made my consciousness detached from my body; making me lose control aside from speaking in front of a crowd. However, unconsciously you became my strength. You’re the first person who never judged me, who did not wait for me to commit mistake. You may not be my source of inspiration, but you became the sunlight that gives me energy to go on and do my best.

I am a type of person who does not look in the person’s eyes when talking because of inferiority complex. But my reason for not looking into your eyes was different. I was afraid that I might eventually give up and tell you my feelings. I was afraid that I would get everything wrong and I was the only who felt that way. It is also pride and lack of self-confidence that kept me away from you.

It is also you who made me realize how weak I am in love, but how I am willing to sacrifice just for love. I did wish not to see you but I strongly prayed that you’re always there for me. I hated you because you’re the first person who let jealousy take me, wishing I am the one you’re embracing and spending time with.

Lastly, you always believe in me, and never thought of me as your competitor but a special friend whom you should cheer and support. You knew my weaknesses but you still believe in me and trusted me with your frustrations and problems. I miss those times.

And now you did it again. You unwillingly cheered my heart by making a special treatment on my simple message for you. Because of this weird, unusual feeling, I gave it a special meaning, which I should not. I know you thought me only as your friend, as someone you can bully and nothing else.

A friend of mine told me to express it. I hope I successfully did, and by doing so it will help me move on. Maybe, it’s time to let you go. Maybe.

Still, thank you for those painful memories, my sweet and cold Mr. Annoying (as I want to call you). I will never forget you. In the future, I’ll share those memories and let the persons, who will be part of my future, know that there is this one person who changed my life, and let me experienced an ecstasy a person could ever had.

Till we meet again…
Goodbye “my sweetest downfall.”
Sayonara my first love.

P.S. My love for you will always stay in my heart.

Sincerely,

The messenger of happiness