by



FRAGILE Friendship
A STRUGGLE OF MIND AND EMOTION


A simple word will do. I waited long enough for your reply. I text you twice, notifying my sudden call, but you never bother to text or call back. I wonder what happened. I do really wonder why. Maybe, there’s a change of heart. I might be thinking too much or already having paranoia. Should I think you’re busy to ease the worry? Or maybe you already had enough of me and you’re tired listening to my selfish rant?

It seems months since our last talk. We are both busy living our lives in our own separate ways. We are both dealing our own problems that we even forgot to tell to each other. Is this the end of our friendship? Is this how it supposed to be?

We've gone through with this kind of situation. We once talked the whole day and thought that thousands of days is not enough to stop us from sharing. We were too close, too familiar that we became complacent with each other.

Sometime in December, few days before Christmas, our friendship became fragile. We haven’t talk for days to reflect on our actions. We both have right and wrongs. We contemplate until we realized how much our friendship cost. We decided to hold unto it. We never let go and decided to continue our friendship. I thought it would never happened again, however, I was wrong. There’s still a part of me telling that our friendship is still fragile, and anytime it would collapse and can never be mend. Do you also feel that way? Is your heart telling you the same thing? 

I might be thinking too much. No! I am thinking too much. But I couldn't leave the thought that the times you ignored me made me think it is a sign of leaving since friends in movies do the same. Are we like them? Is our relationship do not differ from what we witness in others too?

Now I wondered if the word “close” really does exist. Maybe our friendship is not as strong or special as it could be. We our like others who just come by in each other lives and decided to leave when we are already tired and bored. We are not papers that can be joined by glue nor we are woods that can be nailed with each other forever. Even so, remember that even papers and woods can be separated after several years no matter how strong we build it at first. It’s a painful reality, the biggest pain a human being will ever face.

I can’t stop thinking. I want to know the answer why.  I can’t think. I can’t concentrate. Send a text or call me for even a second. Tell me you receive it and what I’m thinking is wrong. Console me. Ease my pain. Relieve me from this paranoia.  Kill my thoughts. If so, let me sleep. Change my doubts to faith. And let me forget that our relationship once became fragile as ice.  Prove to me that our relationship is not like what we see in movies and others. Give me the assurance that we will stay close… forever.