UNWIND

by



Life can be cruel sometimes, or should I say, often. For many reasons, things for me have turned upside down. Everything seemed so well, in accordance to what I really wanted. But just in a snapped or in a mistake I unintentionally made, everything that I worked so hard burst in the thin air to nothing.

Beautiful things were always too good to be true. It felt like they should’ve not happened after all. How come things don’t come out in the right place? Why is everything I did appeared more awful that it may seem?

Am I brooding too much? I knew persons who appeared to be so lucky, so gifted that everything fell in the right place for them without exerting too much effort. It turned out that I am slowly hating myself for being so incompetent. Only two things made me still intact in the basis of normality, God and silence.

For months, it felt like I lost my track, the person who used to be understanding and patient. Unconsciously, I’m learning to keep grudges to the people who hurt me. The more they do not treat me well, the more my wall of pride grew higher and higher. No one wanted to be like this. I wanted to retain the goodness inside me, the patience and forgiveness I used to be abundant with.
As I leave, which I thought first for hundreds of times, I pray that God will give them guidance. 

Despite the times they left me broken, I wanted to thank them for it. I learned to be strong. Abruptly, my eyes opened to the other side of the world that I’m not used to. And from the day I depart myself from their clutches, I hope I will find myself again, and learn to trust and believe to what I can do.

I've been judged, even ignored. Invisible as what I wanted to call it. But there will come a time that I will find myself again and start a new life. With me, will always be my dream for my family and my future. I hope that if that day happens, I’m already a better person, better than with what I am before.  

If that time comes, I will blog again with my progress. No one might read this article of mine. It doesn't matter, as long as my life will try to keep its wheels on the right track. I must cheer up. I must move on. In relation to this article, I linked a blog from The Emotional Life website. I hope it helps. It is titled “12 Ways toMend a Broken” by Therese Borchard. HAPPY READING!

12 Ways to Mend a Broken
By Therese Borchard


Bess Myerson once wrote that “to fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful,” especially if you are the one who wanted the relationship to last. But to stop loving isn’t an option. Author Henri Nouwen writes, “When those you love deeply reject you, leave you, or die, your heart will be broken. But that should not hold you back from loving deeply. The pain that comes from deep love makes your love ever more fruitful.” But how do we get beyond the pain? Here are 12 techniques I’ve gathered from experts and from conversations with friends on how they patched up their heart and tried, ever so gradually, to move on.

1. Go through it, not around it.
I realize the most difficult task for a person with a broken heart is to stand still and feel the crack. But that is exactly what she must do. Because no shortcut is without its share of obstructions. Here’s a simple fact: You have to grieve in order to move on. During the 18 months of my severe depression, my therapist repeated almost every visit: “Go through it. Not around it.” Because if I went around some of the issues that were tearing me apart inside, then I would bump into them somewhere down the line, just like being caught in the center of a traffic circle. By going through the intense pain, I eventually surfaced as a stronger person ready to tackle problems head on. Soon the pain lost its stronghold over me.
2. Stand on your own.
One of the most liberating thoughts I repeat to myself when I’m immersed in grief and sadness is this: “I don’t need anyone or anything to make me happy.” That job is all my own, with a little help from God. When I’m experiencing the intense pangs of grief, it is so difficult to trust that I can be whole without that person in my life. But I have learned over and over again that I can. I really can. It is my job to fill the emptiness, and I can do it … creatively, and with the help of my higher power.